purehell's Diaryland Diary

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She Called Again

Well, i really havent had much time to write...so much going on all the time and i never seem to have the privacy this diary requires. It does help to log my thoughts down though, so here i am.

Marriage counseling went well. I actually went to our 2nd appointment today. The first appointment was mostly spent filling out paperwork and taking evaluations so we didnt get to talk too much other than brief go-over of our problem. The therapist seemed nice, i think she was very fair. She doesnt much want to go over anything that cant be changed, but concentrate more on what can be. Really, that is the most productive way i feel ....but it doesnt erase the pain either though. I hope in time we can work on that.
Today we were able to discuss more at our appointment since we've gotten all the paperwork part of it squared away and it was a little awkward at moments. Our therapist basically thinks that Mike and I are both too nice and Shauna plays on it. I dont think she was trying to discount mike's wrong doings, but she was trying to show us that it will take 2 things to stop this craziness. First, she would like Mike to either not answer his phone if he knows its her, or directly tell her that if she has anything to ask or say that it should be directed to me, and not him....and then he should tell me that she called. She also told me that I need to set boundaries. She said she noticed that i have a lot of trouble doing that but that it was necessary. She said that i have trouble communicating my anger and that often times people dont know im upset because i keep it inside. She said i have every right to be angry and that i shouldnt be afraid to show it. She told me that if I tell Mike that if he continues to talk to shauna I want a divorce, that i should actually visualize it and follow through with it. She told me that most people would have followed through at this point. I think that scared Mike a little bit, but maybe he needed to hear that.

Anyway, Shauna did call mike last Thursday night again...i happened to be there when she called his cell phone. I dont understand her, i really dont.

After work i was suppose to pick nik up and grab a bite to eat before heading to girlscouts....At the last minute mike decided to join us so that he could eat too. While we were eating Mike's phone rings ....of course, it was her. Apparently she wanted to call him and let him know that girlscouts was cancelled ......what she doesnt know is that i already gotten a call from the girlscout leader about 15 min before that letting me know. Now......Why the hell would Shauna call MIKE to tell him girlscouts had been cancelled?? She knows i am the one who takes Nikki....so why didnt she call Me?? Ahhh...well of course we know why. Any excuse to call Mike. She thought he would be alone and she took the opportunity to get on the phone with him, im sure. She had no clue he would of met me at the last minute to have dinner on my way to the meeting. She figured it out fast though because Mike was being very short with her and she asked him why he was being so rude. He spoke like he was annoyed and she quickly understood i was there with him. She was quick to end the call once she figured it out. What the hell? So now i cant help but wonder if i wasnt with mike ...would they have talked? Was this a big "oops" between the both of them? Am i still playing the fool??? I cant help but wonder if i am. Ive played it so many times now.

On another note, I have a friend coming to visit for a lil bit. Im very excited and nervous. He'll be going away for a lil bit to take care of himself and ill be taking care of his 4yr old daughter for a month. I think nikki will enjoy the friendship/temporary sisterhood. I hope she does too.

Mike leaves for Iraq in 2 weeks.....my father wants to visit,my mother wants to try coming again, and im going to have surgery soon. What a crazy way to start the new year! I have a feeling its going to be a good one though, despite all the craziness going on!
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5:35 p.m. - January 22, 2007

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