purehell's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The ache is back...somethings wrong My previous entry was me being angry. I was angry because i can tell mike was talking to shauna. We saw our counselor for the last time before he was to deploy and i told her of my thoughts ...and of course even before we went to our appointment i told him as well. Of course he told me he wasnt, and i know that i wasnt even suppose to ask him. We both made an agreement with our counselor that he would just tell me the next time she tried to contact him, and in return...i would not ask. This was a project we were assigned to so that i could learn to trust Mike again. My heart was hurting so bad...i couldnt resist asking. Sure enough, Mike promised he was not talking to shauna. He reassured me that he would tell me if she tried to contact him. I wanted to believe him....but i didnt, and my heart hurt like hell because i knew he was lying to me. We went to our appointment with our counselor and i told her of my feelings. She told mike that if he did talk to shauna, or if she did call him ...that he needs to tell me. He insisted to her and i both that there had been no contact. She then proceeded to tell me that i needed to trust him. She also told us that we needed to exclude shauna completely from our life. She asked me if i could do that. I told her no. I told her that i cant hurt shauna like that. I told her that it was too hard for me to tell her something that i thought would hurt her. She insisted we do it, she said, "would you do that to save your marriage sharyn?" i just sat there...i couldnt even imagine hurting shauna ...after all she has done to hurt me, it still killed me to think of hurting her. We left and she asked me to come back to see her next week. Valentines Day. Thats the day i found out Mike and Shauna were having this affair, exactly one year ago on Valentines Day. I was very cold to Mike the rest of that day. I knew in my heart they were talking. I felt it in my heart. You have no idea the pain my heart endures when i know something is not right. He could not sit there and tell me that I was wrong...because my heart hasnt lied to me yet. He has. Later that day I begged Mike to tell me the truth, he swore there was nothing to worry about. He swore to me that i could trust him. I still felt the pain...no matter how much he tried to convince me, it was there. I finally placed the bible in his hand and i asked him to look me in the eye and swear to God that he has not had any contact at all with Shauna. He did it. I couldnt believe it. The man lied to me, but more importantly to God. He swore to God. As powerful as that is, i knew he was lying and i immediately prayed for God to forgive him. I knew I couldnt fix his wrong with God, but i tried. I tried because i love him that much. ************************************** SCROLL UP AND CLICK ON THE ARCHIVES (IN RED) TO READ MORE POSTINGS FOR THIS DIARY 11:36 p.m. - February 06, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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