purehell's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- fatal attraction Valentines Day. One year of hell ...happy fucking valentines. I havent been able to write because my emotions have kept me from doing anything. The past few days have been so difficult for me because i have come to the realization that i must make a decision that will effect my life, and the lives of my children forever. The day before Mike left for Iraq, he admitted to me that he and shauna have been seeing each other all this time. He told me that they not only "talk", but they also meet each other quite often for lunch. Whether they eat or fuck, i have no idea...it doesnt really matter at this point. Apparently she calls him all the time to meet in different parking lots. I knew they had to be meeting. Why would they risk so much for just talk? Im so hurt and so angry i can hardly breathe. I cannot believe mike placed his hand on the bible and swore to me and to God that he wasnt talking to shauna anymore. I reminded him of this and he said he had spent the entire morning at church begging for Gods forgiveness. He said he will do whatever it takes to show me that Shauna means nothing to him. But how can she not if he is willing to take this risk over and over again....knowing how much heartache and pain it has caused?? I dont understand it. If he wants her, he can have her. He says he doesnt. He tells me that she just wont leave him alone. Hmm...probably stalks him like she did boris. He sent me 2 dozen roses for Valentine's Day. The card reads: Hasnt he already let me fall?? Why would i believe him this time?? Why Should i ? After mike confessed his affair with shauna i sent her an email, i decided at the last minute to send it to her husband and mike as well. I dont know why...i dont think boris gives a crap, however i also know that she probably has him believing nothing has happened and that im crazy. Im beginning to learn how she manipulates people. I would think boris probably just doesnt give a shit. Who knows. Maybe he doesnt love her. He must not if none of this has phased him. ...of course who knows what she tells him. The letter i sent them:
It amazes me that every time we sit and talk about this, you and mike can look me straight in the face and lie. Eventually I stumble upon your sloppy affair and only then do you then tell me you�re sorry, blah blah. What a fool I have been to keep forgiving you and Mike so many times with promises to stop. I guess I wanted so much to believe the both of you each time because I loved you both so much, but im smarter now. Guess I had to learn the hard way.
I will continue to allow Nikki to go to girl scouts because I don�t believe she�s old enough to understand, but I would like it if we keep that as our only contact. Once I move out you will be free to go to the house to see mike as often as you like, but until then please give me what little respect left I can have and stay away. I don�t wish to speak to you or see you. Please do not write back or try to make any attempt to talk to me because your apologies mean nothing. After Shauna received this email she immediately called mike. He told me this. He said that she called him and he asked her why she was calling him. He said she said, "well what difference does it make now? She said i can have you" Is this not a sick woman?? What the hell is wrong with her. I think she has boderline personality disorder. Ive done so much research on it when a therapist of mine suggested it. There are two movies that portray actresses with this disorder, one of them is "fatal attraction" and the other is "single white female"......and yaknow what? I do believe Shauna is this obsessed with my husband, from what he has told me of her, and from what i have witnessed myself. From the moment she told me that she had to see a therapist because she could not stop thinking about my husband...i knew this woman was not right in the head. The day after he confessed to me his ongoing affair with shauna i stayed home from work. I had already taken the day off to be with him since he was leaving for iraq, but im glad i had it to deal with my emotions. I remember the cell phone bills. I noticed she would call him over and over and over and over ...like a sick obsessed lover...until he would finally answer the call. Does she love him so much that she cannot even see how sick she is?? ...or is this all a game to her? Does she just have to have what she wants and have to win so bad that she's willing to look like a damn fool? And why does he keep falling for it? Is he so flattered that he cant help but allow her to do this to him? Or is he so scared of hurting her feelings because he can see how sick she is? ..maybe he just loves her too? Either way, i cant play a part in this sick game anymore. I love mike, i will always love mike....but im too exhausted to do this anymore. p.s. mike asked me to marry him again. He promised me a big wedding ...or a small one in vegas, whatever i wanted....but he wants to recommit himself to me and renew his vows. Is this just another attempt at another chance? Is he sincere, or will they destroy this idea of starting over as well? ************************************** SCROLL UP AND CLICK ON THE ARCHIVES (IN RED) TO READ MORE POSTINGS FOR THIS DIARY 11:02 a.m. - February 14, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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