purehell's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ulcers...big surprise. not. I went in for my endoscopy today, I have ulcers. I guess im not surprised but ill be anxious to see how the biopsy turns out. The recovery nurse told me that everyone was worried about me, she said that i was "talking alot" while under and knocked out. I wonder what the hell i said. I asked her but she said she wasnt sure but that they were all worried about me. Lovely. Mike called me today afterwards. I didnt answer the phone. Im thinking i probably shouldnt talk to him if i dont feel i can pretend everything is fine like he wants me to. Alyssa and I talked a little bit today while i was in the hospital. I explained to her that i was sorry for everything. She told me that i have done nothing wrong. I asked her how she would feel if i asked daddy not to come home to us, if she would be okay. She said she would be and that she understands completely. She said that she wishes it didnt have to be like that, but that if i told him several times thats what would happen if it continued, then i should. I get so mad because i feel like I HAVE to do this. Whether i want it or not, i dont have a choice. I feel like i have to resort to such drastic measures because it may be the only way to stop them. In fact, everything im doing now seems drastic. From telling people, to demanding shauna stay out of my life, to asking mike not to come home.........its all my very last attempt to finally stop them because nothing else i tried ever worked. How sad it is to be backed into a corner like this knowing how many will suffer from it. ...and why? because they couldnt simply stop when i asked? begged? cried? threatened?? ....why wasnt that enough??? Im filled with resentment because of this. A friend of mine told me that he prays this doesnt make me a bitter woman. I pray it doesnt too. I think ill talk to my pastor about all of this. Maybe he will have answers. I want to talk to Mike, but my heart hurts too much. I just want this pain to go away. ******************************** SCROLL UP AND CLICK ON THE ARCHIVES (IN RED) TO READ MORE POSTINGS FOR THIS DIARY 10:48 p.m. - February 26, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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