purehell's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shame on Me Well, my biopsy came back. I dont have cancer, so that's good. I honestly couldnt handle any more, so God is taking care of me and im grateful for it. He knows i need Him right now more than anything. Since i have last written I have made a few hard decisions and spoke to mike about them. Actually, i was forced to email him because it wasnt exactly something i could handle in a 15 minute phone call from Iraq. Anyway, I asked Mike for a seperation. When he returns home he will live somewhere else. Im not sure what will happen from there but i need to know that he will not reach out to shauna, or that when she reaches out to him (because i know she will), that he will decide what it is he wants before i am willing to see what our future holds. I feel like it is time to take some responsibility for protecting myself and i cannot work on my marriage, nor do i want to....while he continues to see her. This isnt about a one night stand...this is a year long betrayal full of lies and deceit. I will not be a part of enabling this affair to continue anymore. If he wants her, then he needs to leave me alone. If he wants me, then he needs to show me that and maybe in time i can learn to trust him again. I honestly dont know. Im not sure ill ever be able to trust him again and maybe during our seperation ill realize that there is nothing left to even save. Time will tell i suppose. I refuse to cry and beg and shove this crap under the rug any longer for them. I am responsible for what happens with my heart now and i'll be damned if i let them hurt me again. 3:18 p.m. - March 07, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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