purehell's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- so confused I talked to mike today. I think he just wants to pretend none of this has ever happened. Could it be that easy? Should i just let it go and move on? I want so desperately to do that but each time i have i feel it only allowed him to do it again each time. I need to make a major decision and its so hard. How do i know this time he means it when he says it will never happen again?? Why would this time be different from the previous dozen times?? Would he have forgiven me this many times? I asked him where i failed as a wife to have driven him to another and he swears up and down there is not one thing he can think of that made him unhappy. Can that be true?? How can he expect me to forgive and forget again? Will i learn to trust him ? or will i never trust him again? I cant be with a man i have to constantly question. He has never given me reason to question his fidelity before her....is it because she kept pursuing him relentlessly? Would he have even considered betraying me if it wasnt for her constant persistance? I just dont know what to do anymore. She still tries to remain in contact with him ...will he cave again? What happens when he comes home and he has the ability to talk to her and see her again?? Will he put me through this hell AGAIN?? I just dont think i can handle another round....i honestly dont. I should protect myself this time. I cannot rely on him to do that anymore. decisions...decisions. I will pray and try hard to listen to what God is telling me to do. In the meantime, im worried about nikki. I think she knows something is wrong. Its weird though, she hasnt once mentioned alex or shauna. I think she must know something but im not sure what because tonite she told me she missed her daddy and started crying. I told her that i missed him too and she said, "no you dont. You and daddy are fighting". I reassured her that even when we're fighting that i do miss him very much. I dont know what to tell her but if i tell mike not to come home when he gets back, we'll have to decide what would be appropriate to tell her. Alyssa understands and knows everything...she told me that i didnt deserve any of this and that she understands whatever i decide. I cant tell nikki though....i dont know what to tell her, or how. *********************************** SCROLL UP AND CLICK ON THE ARCHIVES (IN RED) TO READ MORE POSTINGS FOR THIS DIARY 10:46 p.m. - February 24, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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