purehell's Diaryland Diary

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Such a Ballsy Bitch

I think mike is still talking to her. Gut feeling i guess. It hasnt been wrong yet so that probably means they are.

She has a song on her myspace that is obviously for mike. She's got a lot of nerve. She doesnt think i can see her myspace, but i can. I look at it once in awhile, im not sure why though. Anyway, the song. Its called "scattered" and its about a couple who have to "scatter" in the morning ....how they share stolen moments and secrets. Obviously the song is about their affair. She makes me sick. She has no respect at all for her husband. She probably realizes he doesnt give a shit, or he is not smart enough to catch on to the words of the song, if he even listens to it. I wouldnt even put it past her to tell him that its for him, and he's just foolish enough to believe it. Kinda like her telling people im crazy and ive imagined their affair. Ya know, the one he has admitted to having with her. I guess she thinks he's just "lost his mind" too?

I asked mike if they still talk and i mentioned the song on her myspace to him. He told me that shes probably fucking someone else, that he wouldnt doubt that at all. He thinks she'll always fuck around on boris. Poor Boris.

I think they are still talking either way, no matter what he says. I will never trust him again. ever.

Im thinking I should go out and have a good time. Maybe that will take the pain away.......time sure isnt on my side, that hasnt helped at all. Besides, i havent had sex in 5 months, im horny as hell. How wonderful it would be to feel wanted by a man. I sure as hell havent felt that in 2yrs now.

I found out she'll be moving Aug 1.
I told Mike i was going to have a "ding dong the bitch is gone" party. He said he definitely would like to be invited. I told him that surprised me that he would want to go.....he said he'll help me throw the party.

Does he really think im that stupid?
Does he think that if he acts that way i will think they arent talking? Havent they played me for a fool too many times now for me to be stupid enough to play it again?

We'll see who's the fool in the end.
I promise it wont be me ever again.

If i find out they are talking, shauna better be prepared to take care of his ass for the rest of his lonely life becauase this woman sure as hell will be moving on to bigger and better things. A life with someone who will love me and respect me enough to place me before any skanky whore. I deserve to be happy and ive been through enough hell.

He's asking me to give him another chance to be that man...but we'll see. I have no great expectations, nor will i depend on him to prove that he can be that man. I dont even know if he's capable of being that man anymore. He ruined that vision i had. Can it return and be repaired?
*shrugs my shoulders*
We'll see i guess.

He still hasnt found a place to live.
A hotel is going to get awfully expensive. I should of just let him move in the house and the girls and i should of just moved out. Maybe we'll do that if he cant find a place soon, or if i find out he's still hooking up with the whore, then ill move out and probably go somewhere far away. I would have no desire to see him or talk to him ever again. He flies for free...he can come see the girls every other weekend no matter where we live.
He's gone 9 months a year anyway, what difference would it make.

*makes a mental note to check on the divorce laws pertaining to that.

10:33 p.m. - May 27, 2007

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