purehell's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- He found an apartment I just got off the phone with Mike. He calls me every day, which is not easy to do while being deployed at the desert. It means a lot to me, and i have to admit, he sure is doing what he can to let me know he wants to do whatever it takes to keep me from leaving him. I dont want to leave him, but i will if i have to. I never imagined life without him, but i also never imagined him ever hurting me like he has. He told me that he is so afraid that i plan on "dumping" him when he gets home. Why didnt he think of that when he was secretly meeting shauna? Funny how that didnt seem important while he was getting laid by the whore, huh? Anyway, he found an apartment. He asked me last week if there was a possibility i would let him come home, i told him there was no possibility at all, that i was sorry...but i was holding ground on my decision. I told him that most woman would of left him by now and that he should be happy with the fact that im only asking for a seperation. He said he doesnt understand why we cant talk when he gets home, but will do whatever it takes. I guess he knows im serious because he said he did find an apartment. It wont be his, it actually belongs to a guy whos going away for a little while. Mike will live there and pay his utilities while he's gone and he promised to pay him rent too. He will only get to move in on Saturday, but he comes home on Wednesday....so that leaves him 4 days to figure out where to stay before he can move in. Im guessing he'll have to get a hotel. I had considered letting him stay here on the sofa, but i know my therapist wont approve. Like i have said in previous posts....my way never worked, so now im doing it her way. I dont think he likes our marriage counselor, but he picked her out. I'll be damned if i go to another one and start this story sharing again. Its too humiliating. I know he would like that just because i know he will be embarrassed to see her again. He wasnt only lying to me, but he was lying to her too and because of that she has no sympathy for him. In fact, i think she thinks hes lucky to even still have a marriage to work on. Anyway, he has been trying. Pretty soon ill know how sincere he is this time. We changed the home phone number and his cell phone number just so the whore cant call him. If she does, ill know he had to give her the number. If she calls him at work, ill have no way of knowing. He'll have 2 weeks off when he first gets home so i guess ill worry about that once he returns to work. I guess if he's staying at this apartment, there could be a phone there they can call from, but i guess i have no way of knowing. Its all about trust now. I have none for him anymore...maybe in time we can rebuild that. I would much rather he just be with her than pretend not to be. I mean, if you're going to risk your marriage each time to be with one another, just be together already, sheesh. He swears that will never happen ....he said hes absolutely sure of this. hmmm... Im soooooooooooooooo tired of this. Im not going to post again until after he gets home next week. The story is the same, the chapters just run together and this book is getting so damn old. I hope to post new and different "stories" soon. I hope this book has a happy ending. We shall see. ************************************** 9:17 p.m. - June 13, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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