purehell's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Roses & Love Songs Mike has been leaving me a rose on my car windshield every morning since he's been back. We use to do that when we were dating. He said that he will leave me one every day to let me know that he's thinking of me. He said that just because he's not here (at home) that it doesnt mean Im not on his mind. He also made me a cd full of songs that truly touch my heart. He's never done anything like that before and it means so much to me. I always use to get frusterated when i would want him to listen to a song and he wouldnt understand the meaning behind it, thats why this cd is so special. I know that he had to truly listen to the lyrics to every single song that he chose for me to listen to. The first time i listened to it i bawled like a baby. Now i listen to it while im at work and it comforts me. Its probably the nicest thing Mike has ever given to me. Mike and I have been spending a lot of time together. Today we went to lunch, we decided to go to a fairly new place in town but when we walked in i immediately spotted HER. Shauna and boris were there with the kids. I felt so bad for Alex, her daughter. She saw me walk through the door and she just sort of froze, and so did i. Once i realized they were there i immediately said, "shauna and boris are here".....Mike and I turned right back around and left. I can still see Alex's face in my mind and I felt so bad that i couldnt say hi to her. I have no idea what Shauna told her, but i imagine she knew it wasnt going to be a friendly lunch together just by the facial expression she had when she saw me. Luckily Shauna and Boris were faced with their backs to the door....we left and went somewhere else for lunch. I thought about it after i had time to think about it and im mad at myself for leaving. I should of stayed. Shauna should of been the one who was left uncomfortable, not me. Anyway, i cant help but wonder what she has told the children. Im sure she told boris everything is a lie and that her affair with Mike was not an affair at all.......but what did she tell those children?? I imagine she told them I did something wrong. What is it she's telling people? Oh, thats right....that im crazy and im just angry and none of its true. Pffffffft. Hmm...i wonder what it is that im angry about?? Oh, thats right.....because she's a whore, a liar, a cheater, and a backstabbing bitch. I remember now. Hell, ill never forget it. Anyway, next time i wont leave. Next time ill sit right next to them and let her wriggle in her seat. Let HER get up and leave....ive been punished enough. I cannot wait for them to get the hell out of here. Mike took me to the squadron tonite to open up his email for the very first time since coming home from iraq. He wanted me to see if there was any email from shauna. There wasnt. He said that he wants me to know if she tries to contact him in any way so that i can begin trusting him again. If she calls him, or contacts him...he will go to boris and tell boris everything. He's considering doing that anyway, but he's torn. He doesnt want to destroy their family, but at the same time he thinks boris has a right to know. I told him that maybe he shouldnt say anything if he's not sure. Maybe he needs to only talk to him if boris should confront him. I also told him that if shauna tried to reach out to him in any way that maybe he should then tell boris so that she will finally leave him alone. We'll see. So far she hasnt, but anyone who knows shauna knows how vindictive and controlling she can be. If she doesnt, it will only be because she destroyed my marriage and the game is over now. She accomplished what she set out to do. Or has she? Hmm...maybe not. Im not sure, but i do know that Mike and I are either going to make it through this hell and have a stronger, better marriage than ever.....or ill never get past the deceit and pain and it will crumble. What will it be?? I guess time will tell. I do see Mike making every effort to take the pain away, and that does count for something. I can tell his sorrow is sincere. I believe he would take it all back and do things differently if he were able to turn back time. Unfortunately that's not an option. I wish it were. 11:48 p.m. - July 05, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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